On Monday, I was typing on my computer early in the day, doing lesson planning when I saw a huge rat running around in an adjoining, empty classroom. I jumped up and ran into the room yelling for help. Victor, (my boss, the head of my ELC, the director who controls my pay and my future in Korea) joined me instantly.
Victor is such a character. All Korean businessmen look like they are secretly meditating on how cool they are. Everyone in Korea already knows that the businessman is the most successful, the most wealthy and therefore the most important member of society.
Victor looks like he knows this (just as we all do) but also knows, secretly deep down, that he is actually even a little better than anybody else can even begin to suspect. He is the haughtiest looking mother fucker I have ever seen, which I think he achieves by keeping his eyes very lazy, as though he can't be bothered to do anything as passive as see, simply because he is too important. A constantly puffed out chest and an immaculately pressed, pinstriped suit don't hurt either.
But he was in that room before I'd even blinked, making me suspect that the rat problem had been initially noted by someone other than me. The rat had run beneath a pile of books and boxes and Victor, joined by Ray (who will replace Victor as Director soon) and Chris (my much mentioned friendly Canadian Co-worker) armed themselves with brooms and dustpans and proceeded to knock and kick them away, exposing the rat, who raced shrieking across the room.
Ray, Chris and Victor futilely tried to hit at it with their brooms, but it was too fast. They sort of told me to leave, this was apparently man business, but I watched through the glass door. It was ridiculous. It was like three stooges type hi jinks. They kept getting in each other's way, even accidentally hitting each other and sort of running into each other and basically demonstrating the notion that too many cooks (or would be rat killers) in the kitchen (or rat infested classroom) spoil the soup (fail to kill the rat).
They finally cornered it and just kept hitting it. Which was gruesome and cruel but ineffective. Victor tried to smush it with a dust pan, like we were in a cartoon or something. The thing was just squealing and it was sort of awful and then Chris decided for whatever stupid reason to bodily grasp the rat.
So now Chris has the squealing, crazed rat in his hand and Victor and Ray, who seem driven to distraction and are being fueled by testosterone and rage and no reason whatsoever, keep hitting at it and so now they are hitting Chris's hand and body and Chris is yelling at them and the rat, obviously, isn't pleased with this turn of events and he bites Chris's thumb.
And Chris yells "Oh fuck! Shit! Fuck! Fucking fucking fucker fuck!" Which is pretty much great because the kids have just started to arrive and I have called a bunch of them over to the door to watch.
Chris then proceeds to bash the rat into the wall again and again, trying to make it open its mouth. Victor and Ray finally stop hitting Chris and just watch, sort of upset to be out of the fun. Victor gets his gander back up and somewhat unreasonably, begins shouting at the rat in Korea, like it can understand and should know better than to trifle with him. The thing finally releases Chris's thumb and Chris opens a window and just punts it out.
Outside the classroom, I am laying on the floor, laughing and crying at how ridiculous all of that was. The kids are laughing. The Korean teachers and the receptionist Ms Jong have been watching the battle on the cameras and are laughing too, but a lot more delicately.
But here's the thing. As soon as the rat has been flung, all three men look distinctly proud of themselves. Like seriously pleased and sort of manly. As though they hadn't just made utter fools of themselves. Which, trust me, they had. They sort of had a manly moment of reflection. Then Victor came out and self importantly told everybody to go back to their classes so he could drive Chris to the hospital to have a doctor look at his bitten thumb.
I was rewarded for spotting the rat and causing the mayhem by having to teach Chris's first class. Which meant I didn't get a break. But it was worth it.
14 years ago
